Flattery vs Encouragement

WHAT DO YOU DELIVER MORE OF?

WHAT DO YOU SEEK MORE OF?

Let's first check out a few definitions to grab some context of what I am talking about here.

Flattery: "Excessive and insincere praise, given especially to further one's own interests".

Encouragement: "The action of giving someone support, confidence, or hope", "persuasion to do or to continue something", "the act of trying to stimulate the development of an activity, state, or belief".

Said differently, I believe flattery is to gain something and encouragement is to give something.

Ladies, I imagine you have a really deep understanding of flattery if you've been out to a bar anytime in your life.

I am sure we can all think of other environments we may walk into and come across groups of people delivering compliments that may not feel too genuine.

Let's bring this into the context of places you may be wanting to perform well.

The gym, our careers, our relationships to name a few.

Flattery isn't genuine and it speaks ZERO feedback for someone to do something different.

It leaves no room for coaching/feedback that might actually help someone improve or truly feel good about the thing you're delivering to them.

Often, it does feel nice. It may even be what keeps someone in an environment. Many of us humans get really uncomfortable in places where actual negative (or constructive) feedback may occur.

This isn't to knock being a nice person, it is to encourage being a genuine person.

Encouragement does not tell someone good job if it wasn't a good job. It does show love, speaks on effort, but it also GIVES feedback on how to do a better job or how to get the job done.

Encouragement does not ignore low quality technique for the sake of helping someone feel good.

Encouragement keeps us from injuring ourselves in the gym and it helps us set a personal record.

It pushes when pushing is what is felt by the pusher, knowing the one receiving the pushing CAN push when they don't believe it themselves.

Encouragement comes from the heart. It lets a person know what you see in them, what you've seen them do, and what you believe is possible for them.

Flattery walks by someone and tells them good job when you don't believe it.

Flattery cheerleads, it doesn't coach.

Flattery is for you, to get something you want. Be that a reaction, comfort, or your own needs met.

Flattery manipulates for you; encouragement serves for them.

I want to add one thing to this... flattery outside of manipulation CAN be delivered by an insecure person that doesn't want to create any level of discomfort for the other person. This isn't how anyone gets better, YET... it is a very valid thing to do. We must become aware of that and choose to do something different and choose to work on this if that is us.

To conclude...

Seek environments/people that have encouragement built into their values. This means there's ways to receive feedback for the good and the bad. There're ways to develop and improve.

If you're in a gym...find the coaches who coach...not the ones who cheerlead.

Take notice of flattery. Seek out something different.

See ya out there.

Coach D.